FIREDRILL!

Thursday, December 5, 2002Front   Archives   Writers   List   Submit

Filling the Void
Katie B

Everyone has that one thing that lights up their life. One thing they can count on day after day or week after week to bring them unconditional joy. For me, that happiness was my Thursday firedrill slot. Bringing a smile to thousands... errr, hundreds... ok, tens of fresh-faced readers every week was the only contentment I found in my otherwise meaningless life.

When suddenly, without warning or reason, the probation-happy editing gods stole this joy from me. Maybe they just like seeing girls cry. I bet that?s it.

At any rate, a gaping hole was left where a once healthy, diction and grammar-loving heart had beat for firedrill.

And so, hollow and alone, I was doomed to wander the Earth eternally, searching for something to fill the void.

And by the earth I mostly mean the internet.

And by eternally I mean for approximately 3 weeks.

The following is a list of addictions I acquired while trying to put meaning back into my life in the absence of this beloved website.

#1: The Slogan Generator

You give it a word and it puts that word into a beloved commercial tagline. Genius. Not that you need proof that this provides hours of hilarious fun, but I need to fill space:

Better Ingredients, Better Mark Thyrring.

Reach Out and Touch Megan Wood

The Soma That Eats Like A Meal

I'm Not Gonna Pay A Lot For This Zaben

Poppin' Fresh Brendan Fitzgerald

Once You Pop, You Can't Stop Firedrill

2: Fly the Helicopter

For your own safety, do not play this game. Definitely do not get involved in a betting war based on who can get to 2500 points first. Most especially do not get involved in such a betting war with a cheating computer nerd. And never ever ever get involved in a land war with Asia. That?s all there is to say about that.

#3: Knitting

In my continuing efforts to become an old woman before the age of twenty, I decided to learn how to knit. Also, now that I am the resident of an arctic climate, I figured it would be a good hobby to take up. Little did I know that knitting is really an evil black hole of time and productivity. A suggestion to fellow up-and-coming knitters: get super thick chenille yarn. It covers up your mistakes and it goes really quickly so you don't have to be good or have any sort of attention span for arts and crafts! Or as we used to call it, arts and farts and crafts. I made a scarf. It's totally awesome.

#4: Tears for Fears

When you can?t share your literary light with the world, you can always drown your sorrows in 80s English new wave bands. Everybody Wants To Rule the World. Shout. Head Over Heels. Mad World. These songs cross generation gaps and are anthems for all time. My roommate though it was pretty unhealthy for one girl to have so much synthesizer in her life. I really don't think that's possible If I hadn?t been taken off firedrill probation, it was only a matter of time before I moved on to Simple Minds. It?s a slippery slope.

Of course, nothing could ever replace my beloved weekly creative outlet. Except maybe the knitting. And the 80s pop.

My point of course is, stay in school, don't do drugs, and don't miss deadlines or else people get really cranky.


Katie B omitted herion and pornography from the list because her mother reads this.