FIREDRILL!

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Ingredients
Soma

The ingredients of a container of "Dr. Pepper: Red Fusion" are the following:

carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup and/or sugar, artificial and natural flavors, phosphoric acid, sodium benzoate. caramel, caffeine, gum acacia, red 40

The ingredients to banana bread I make, in no particular order, are:

eggs, bananas, flour, salt, water, some kind of shortening

If you mixed the two together you would certainly be mixing the following ingredients:

carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup and/or sugar, artificial and natural flavors, phosphoric acid, sodium benzoate, caramel, caffeine, gum acacia, red 40, eggs, bananas, flour, salt, water, some kind of shortening

How would it taste? Bad, I'm guessing. What I'm here to do today is to teach you how to make a bunch of really good tasting food. The main ingredient is goodness.

Goodness is both a taste and a moral quality. You can't find it in any supermarket, though! Goodness has to be found in living, breathing creatures that walk this green earth, and then said living creatures are to be made non-living and dead and put into your food.

Don't get your legwarmers all in a knot yet, though, campers! We all know exactly where to find Goodness. I'm sure you're first thinking some secluded Christian's heart, but let me tell you - I'm neither promoting religious foodstuff-culling nor allowing you to use such a base piece of meat in your meal.

What you need, my friend, is a woman. A bonafide fe-male.

"Sugar and spice and everything nice" ring a bell? Since day 12, mankind has been lectured in where to find all things good and pure, and that is inside one of those ovaratic beasts that someday I will marry. Not only does a hunk of woman thrown into a dish bring with it tasty Goodness, but it also makes it much more flavorful with the inclusion of spices. Hundreds of thousands of spices, all there just for you and your mouth! Also, the sugar found inside of girls is not full of calories and such as normal sugar is - female sugar is almost magically good for you, with no ill effects!

Does this all seem morbid to you? It sure does to me! The next step should have been grinding up an unlucky female to serve as the base of your treat, but it's just too much to continue with. Ick. Stick with the ramen.


Soma got his article deleted by a certain girl he knows earlier today.